Oh my Dracula

I have been receiving a lot of questions about vampire myths because suddenly everyone seems to think that I speak for the entirety of the vampire community or something. Although that may not be true, for the benefit of you lucky readers, I will be addressing some of these questions from my perspectives and experiences. One of my followers, an avid Twilight fanatic from Milwaukee named Jessica, came right out and asked me if vampires sparkle. Please, dear Dracula, someone find me an oxygen tank because I think I just might just die from laughter. It's hilarious to me that humans have concocted this delusion in which vampires are clearly discernible from any other regular human on the street in daylight. The reality is, vampires are your neighbors, your bosses, your friends, and the baristas who serve you your hot grande skinny pumpkin spice latte, no whip. They do not sparkle or become engulfed in flames with contact to sunshine. Now that that's all cleared up, Jordan from LA wanted to know if I suffer any adverse effects when I come into contact with garlic. Last night, when I came back from the usual shenanigans of bar hopping and painting the town red and all that, I opened the door to my apartment, and the smell of garlic essentially slapped me in the face. Seriously, it smells like my roommate rolled around in a pit of minced garlic and then painted the walls with the leftover juices. Other than the nagging sensation that I wanted to essentially vom, the garlic did nothing to bother me more than it would the average garlic-loathing human. If you have any other vampire myths guaranteed to make me laugh, make sure to send them to my email seeingredfordays@666.blood