The "Buffy"

If you've ever seen Vampire Diaries or Buffy the Vampire Slayer or whatever, there's this elite group of humans chosen by some unseen force from who knows where. Vampire Hunters or Slayers are tasked with preventing “creatures” like myself from preying on innocent, unsuspecting humans via slaying. It sounds a little out-there so there's no way they could possibly exist, right? Wrong. Today one of those vile serial vampire murderers came after me. You would assume I know better by now, but you know that silly little thing they say about assuming? The gist of it is, assuming makes butts out of both of us. Some puny Buffy wannabe assaulted me behind the blood bank. First, rude; do you understand that I go to the blood bank to spare you humans the alleged horror of the bite? Second, these imposters may not be as deceptively strong as the mythical Buffy, but they sure can run. You see, the Buffy is mythical like Santa Clause is in the human world. Yes, I enjoy Christmas specials, get over it. You're told this big fat lie about him and his present giving ways when you're young because your parents want to keep you in line. Well, after being turned into a vampire, all of your other vampy pals convince you for your first ten years undead that Buffy is an actual living breathing thing with super strength and an innate yearning to slay. It's really for everybody's protection; no inexperienced vampires attempt to out themselves to the human world, thereby offering us to human authorities on a shiny platter, and the rest of us continue the tradition of keeping it hush-hush. Anyway, watch your back for even the weakest of these imposters; If you don't, you could find your undead immortal life cut short.